Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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