I wish I could teleport
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
40s are totally the cure
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
