if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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