i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
me + whiskey = a bad person
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
