I hate your face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
