I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
