atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
