my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
