I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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