Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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