Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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