what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
