Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
