maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
