It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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