The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
