i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
