he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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