trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
