No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
