I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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