Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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