So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
