i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
