Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
