she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
