I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
