he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
