Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
