So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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