i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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