I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
