You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The Olympian is in my bed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
