He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
