hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
