Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
