oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
