I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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