Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
