NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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