Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
