I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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