Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
