he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
