my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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