What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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