It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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