ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
