My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
