i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
