thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
