I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
